1995 ROYAL RUMBLE

THE 1995 ROYAL RUMBLE begins with a white stretch limo dropping off a Pamela Anderson so fresh-faced and lovely that it just makes you sad for all that is about to happen to in her unenviable life of abuse and hepatitis and Kid Rock. We are in sunny Florida! At the Sun Dome in Tampa! Welcome to the campus of the University of South Florida which I have never heard of! Vince McMahon is joined by Jerry "The King" Lawler and the Spanish broadcast team is there for the first time and we're ready to go!


First off we've got "Double J" Jeff Jarrett accompanied to the ring by the Road Dogg whose shit got old reeeeeaaaaaaal fast just about as soon as it got going didn't it facing off against Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon and I feel that I can totally guarantee one of those OMG MY KNEE fakeouts on the Razor's Edge because as I have mentioned previously I saw these two wrestle at the glorious Halifax Forum and they did it there and also I have a lot of insider knowledge about the way professional wrestling contests are constructed. Vince tells us that Double J had problems last week with Bret Hart on Monday Night Raw which sounds pretty standard I guess but then we are also told that The Roadie had a run in with William Shatner? I am intrigued.


Seconds into the bout we see Razor's trademark fall-away slam and then a chokeslam of sorts even so things are not looking great for the challenger thus far. Jarrett sneaks down low for a pretty shitty arm drag which leads to a pretty shitty strut and he's just shitty man he's just shitty. I like how The Roadie gets all low on the outside as though he is truly a roadie or tech of some kind trying to stay out of sight at a concert but so far that is the best thing going on here and let me tell you that I don't blame Scott Hall for that. lol Razor clotheslines Jarrett over the top and I am so much in the mindset of Royal Rumbles here that my first response is OH SHIT JARRETT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED which is obviously not the case.


Yeah so they carry on for a while and then Razor takes a spill over the top and appears to have injured his knee and then The Roadie clips him in the knee and I am thinking AH HA we ARE going to see that spot I remember! but Ramon is counted out and that's it UNLESS IT ISN'T! Jarrett says he doesn't want to win by countout and he calls Ramon a coward and whatnot and so they restart the match even though referee Tim Who Was Andre the Giant's Little Buddy at first resists this idea. Lawler suggests that Razor Ramon might have more machismo than brains which is not a bad point at all.


OH NO IT A THE WOBBLY-KNEED RAZOR'S EDGE CALAMITY FOLLOWED BY A ROLL-UP AND WE'VE GOT A NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION in what was objectively not a bad match but which was not all that thrilling either.


Todd Pettingill is backstage with Pamela Anderson and he is utterly without dignity. Double J has joined a lady by the name of Stephanie Wyant or something I believe they said and I have no memory of her ever having been part of any of this but clearly my memory is faulty in this regard.


Next up is IRS vs. the Undertaker and Vince tells us that the druids have caused a great deal of trouble as of late and have been banned from ringside by World Wrestling Federation President Jack Tunney and the story lines really were especially shitty at this time were they not? Also I never liked the Undertaker's purple gloves but I guess that is part of how we were to distinguish him from Ted DiBiase's impostor Undertaker, right? Right. Anyway after a ton of bullshit and in fact a number of druids at ringside despite the prohibition against them it's a chokeslam in the end and that's that. HOLY COW THOUGH IT IS KING KONG BUNDY! IT WAS ALL WORTH IT! BUNDY IS THE BEST and I am reminded that he was only like twenty-five or something at Wrestlemania 2. IRS is making off with the urn but never mind that nonsense because KING KONG BUNDY JUST LAID OUT THE UNDERTAKER ok that was awesome.


Todd Pettingill is backstage with Diesel who he calls "Deeze" but Kevin Nash is all business and not in the mood to carry on with Todd Pettingill. Bret Hart is wearing a Calgary Hitmen WHL hockey t-shirt whilst a Calgary Hitmen jersey hangs in the locker behind him and he gives a really good interview about how hey he likes Diesel and everything but this is BUSINESS and it is effective in communicating both the Hitman's seriousness tonight and also how nobody likes Todd Pettingill. Since losing his bout against Diesel at The Survivor Series, Hart has thought of nothing but regaining his title and what I am wondering is whether or not that was the match where Diesel put Bret through the table or is this the one? Because I THINK it was the Survivor Series match but I HOPE it is this one because that was genuinely shocking when it happened. That is not a thing that happened on the reg in the World Wrestling Federation circa 1994/1995. Anyway this Bret Hart/Diesel title confrontation is like a PURE SPORTS BUILD oasis after all the horseshit with the fucking urn again. 


Yeah so the eighteen-wheeler coming hard at the camera and then the glass shattering as Diesel walks out from behind it is one of the better entrances they have ever done to this point without question. Lawrence Taylor is at the ringside area and is years away from having sex with an underage prostitute who is there completely against her will and at this point has probably only been moderately disgraced with crack cocaine kind of stuff and Diesel gives him a manly shake/bro-hug combination which will probably be the only time he strings two moves together all match j/k I like Kevin Nash and his matches with Bret Hart were his best work imo so I'm actually really really excited to see this one. Diesel extends his closed fist and Hart smacks it with his and we are READY TO GO YEAAAAH!


After an initial waistlock and a rope break these two top-tier competitors elect to slug it out! This of course favours the champion who clotheslines Hart over the top rope and out. Not a sound strategy, Bret, come on now. AH HA but now Hart drags Diesel to the mat and wraps his leg around the ring post from the outside and once again one yearns for a ring post figure-four leg lock but alas the year is 1995 not 1997 so we are all just going to have to wait. "The Hitman continues to work over the champion's leg and this certainly seems like a much better strategic direction and HEY IT IS A FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK IN THE CENTRE OF THE RING and something I have always enjoyed is when the referee begins the count on a dude who is in a figure four because it is like the figure four has him in so much pain that he has forgotten that in a professional wrestling bout one must keep one's shoulders off the mat at all costs at all times but this figure-four leglock man it is just too much I cannot even BEAR it, you know? Diesel makes the ropes which is not tricky given his stature but Hart goes right back to the figure four which is awesome to do.


Also awesome: Diesel makes it to the rope again but Bret Hart mimes as though he can't make out what treacherous referee Earl Hebner is instructing him to do although it is clear to all that he is being instructed to break the hold and then once he acknowledges that he understands he takes the full count of five before breaking the hold. With Diesel on the outside, Hart dives between the middle and top ropes to the floor and then it is like Irish whip into the stairs and stuff like that. Diesel gets the best of things on the outside but McMahon and Lawler talk about this is a side of Bret Hart Diesel probably did not expect to see but let me tell you that I for one think it is rad that we are seeing it because this match owns.


Diesel gets some of his signature moves in like the side slam and jumping on a dude when he is draped atop the middle rope and those kinds of things. Bret takes a couple of pretty sick turnbuckles and then he is hoisted into a kind of idk torture rack kind of thing but not really; he's just up on top of Diesel's right shoulder but he counters into a sleeper attempt but is dumped to the ground and then flung into the ropes and BIG BOOTED and standing elbow dropped and covered for two.


THE TIDE HAS TURNED with a second turnbuckle clothesline from the challenger but when he goes all the way up top it looks as though Diesel is going to just grab him and press him overhead but Hart slips down into a cover.   


Ahahaha wtf Bret is on the outside and he drags Diesel to the corner again but this time he has tied the champion's feet together with tape from his wrists! Hebner has to break him lose while Hart puts the boots to him in the corner. This is terrific. Side Russian legsweep for twoooooooo. Backbreacker and a second turnbuckle elbow for one of those twos that is so close that one might well call it a 2.9 and we've got Diesel on the outside and Hart flings himself over the top but he is CAUGHT and slammed into the ring post!


Back in the ring Diesel signals for the JACKKNIFE POWER BOMB and yep there it is and that is a one and a two but not a three as SHAWN MICHAELS HAS HIT THE RING WTF IS GOING ON HERE I DON'T EVEN GET IT WHY IS THIS NOT A DQ I mean there has certainly been a measure of leniency shown here for both competitors given the reputations of both men and the stakes in this particular matchup but surely this is beyond the pale! However we are informed that this match must continue despite HBK's disruption of a pinning predicament and subsequent assault on the champion's already injured leg. This is a surprising amount of latitude here and we are offered no plausible explanation for it all however you will no doubt join me in wanting to see this contest settled *in the ring.*


For the third time, Bret Hart applies the figure-four leglock in the centre of the ring and McMahon and Lawler speculate that maybe Hart thinks Diesel's legs are too long to apply the Sharpshooter! But while Hart is working over Diesel's injured leg Diesel starts in with body shots on Hart's likely injured rips from that ring post business on the outside. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT PRETEND FIGHT and I am completely into it. Diesel works over the Hitman's ribs in the corner and now there is a gut wrench suplex and my understanding is that type of maneuver can sometimes wrench the very guts themselves! Diesel runs at Hart in the corner with a big boot but Hart moves and ducks outside and positions Diesel's leg up against the post and nails him with a steel chair this is nuts man WHY ARE THEY LETTING THIS GO ON and then it is SHARPSHOOTER TIME in the centre of the ring and Diesel looks well and truly fucked here but IT IS OWEN HART who comes in and breaks it up much as Shawn Michaels did before and Owen takes the padding off the top turnbuckle and drives Bret into it and I remind you his ribs man his ribs THIS IS AN AWESOME MATCH that referee Earl Hebner has ruled simply must continue to a definitive conclusion and I am not about to tell him he is wrong about that.


Diesel on one leg inches across the ring for the cover and Bret sneaks a shoulder out at the last second and Harpo was right the other day when he talked about Nick Patrick's shitty counting mechanics and what reminds me of this is how Hebner's are *awesome.* Hart puts Diesel face first into the unprotected turnbuckle and Diesel does some pretty good staggering around the ring while Bret goes for the KO but he can't quite finish  the champ off. A moment later Bret is hanging out of the ring from the middle rope as Diesel grabs a chair and was fixing to nail him with it one assumes but Bret rolls back in and Diesel is like aw fuck it and throws the chair away and then back in the ring Bret feigns a serious leg injury and when Diesel draws near Hart goes for the small package but it is not enough and then after a bit of a scramble we've got a ref bump and wtf is going to happen now if all of this crazy shit has gone on in plain sight of the officials? 


lol ok Shawn Michaels and Owen Hart and Bob Backlund and Jeff Jarrett and the Roadie ALL hit the ring and go to work on both dudes as the ring fills with World Wrestling Federation Officials and the bell rings and I guess we're going to get a double DQ in the end here because this is fucking nuts man AAAAAAHAHAHA YEAH they are calling it a draw due to "the referee's inability to control the match" and now Backlund is back in and applies the crossface chickenwing while everybody else piles on Diesel. Diesel stomps Backlund off of Hart and with the two men alone in the ring now I am seriously interested to see what happens here. Owen and HBK are doing awesome jobs of looking seriously enraged during all of this by the way. Anyway there is an ovation as Diesel helps Bret to his feet and Bret at first kind of pulls his arm away like "hey fuck off that hurts" but eventually the two shake hands and embrace and sure why not this match owned they *should* be all like "hey good scrap bro" and that is the way they appear to be ending it. Of all the matches I have ever seen that end with a complete fucking debacle at the end this has totally got to be the best one. OUTSTANDING SHIT HERE TONIGHT LADIES IN GENTLEMEN IN THIS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT. This sounds crazy to say but I am so amped up by and about this match that I am kind of not even caring about whether or not the Royal Rumble match itself will be any good.


Todd Pettingill is backstage with his unthinkable hair and stupid earring and is again made uncomfortable by the sexual power of relatively untainted Pamela Anderson. He throws it over to Stephanie who is with the artist formerly known as Sparky Plugg along with the 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly is like "just like the San Diego Chargers are going to get their chance at the Super Bowl, we're going to get our chance here tonight" and lol yeah I bet it's going to be quite a bit like that actually. Their opponents: Bam Bam Bigelow and Native American Tatanka who are accompanied to the ring by "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase and his awesome music and apparently this is the final match in a tag team title tournament and I have no memory of that but the tag team division was in such disarray at this point that whatever man. I believe Bob Holly would later develop a reputation for being "stiff" with noobs which makes him a tough and cool guy to dudes on the internet who get off on the idea of deliberately hurting people who don't expect you to hurt them because to these internet dudes liking a guy like that and identifying with him is as close as they will ever come to exercising anything resembling power or even the merest hint of control over any aspect of their directionless awful lives marred by poor credit scores and scuffed shoes and other things like that also.


This match is pretty good when 1-2-3 Kid is in the ring with Bigelow and actually it stays pretty good when THE KID BROTHER ERR AHHH THAT IS TO SAY THE SYXXX KID EXCUSE ME is in there with Tatanka, too, leading me to believe that the 1-2-3 Kid is just pretty good at this generally. McMahon refers to Bob Holly as a "two-sport superstar" which is probably not  *exactly* true. This match is OK but unless windows media player is deliberately misleading me we are kind of running out of time here and although a few moments ago I told you that I was so into the Bret Hart vs. Diesel match that I wasn't even all the concerned about the Royal Rumble match itself, that ecstatic state (forgive my redundancy) has subsided enough that now I'm worried that this is going to be an every-ninety-seconds affair OR WORSE if they don't get on with it already. A grinning Ted DiBiase at ringside has actually totally started to look like Tiger Chun Lee already as somebody pointed out in a shoot interview described in Jeremy's thread. JESUS CHRIST WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THESE DOUBLE COUNT SITUATIONS RIGHT NOW WE HAVE A ROYAL RUMBLE TO GET TO COME ON ok "hot" tag this should be almost it with the 1-2-3 Kid flying around all over the place and now Bam Bam tossing him clear onto the floor and then OH NO Bam Bam was about to go for a moonsault but Tatanka went for an elbow drop off the ropes and Bam Bam falls and OH NO WE ARE IN ANOTHER DOUBLE COUNT SITUATION THERE ISN'T TIIIIIIIIME ohhhhh ok that was the finish: 1-2-3 Kid covered and got the pin OK. Vince is like "MAYBE THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS DOOOOOO HAVE A CHANCE IN THE SUPERBOWL NEXT WEEK!"  


AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE ROOOOOYAL RUMBLE but not before Bam Bam gets into it with Lawrence Taylor a little bit and gives him a pretty good shove and we all know where this is headed don't we ladies and gentlemen. 


DO NOT SHOW ANY HIGHLIGHTS FROM LAST YEAR'S ROYAL RUMBLE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO TIME FOR THAT AND IF I CAN SEE THAT THEN YOUUUUU CAN SEE THAT VINCE MCMAHON LET'S GO but we do not go and instead it is time for prerecorded comments. I remembered 1995 Shawn Michaels being way better on "the stick" than this but whatever he's awesome and I'm not about to pick nits. We're shown HBK getting in on Diesel's elimination last year, and the finish with Luger and Hart touching the floor at pretty much the same time, and then we have Lex Luger's prerecorded comments and its amazing anyone ever thought he could do this: "1995 IS THE YEAR OF 'THE MAN' -- ME!"


Vince McMahon says that the World Wrestling Federation apologizes to Lawrence Taylor and he does it so briefly and in tones so awkward that it seemed pretty legit so good job on that one Vince. Our special guest hostess for the Royal Rumble match is of course Baywatch star Pamela Anderson who is wearing a black and white number with adidasesque stripes down the sleeve and it is not a bad look and arguably more tasteful than you would expect from "Pamela Anderson is at the Royal Rumble." THE HEARTBREAK KID SHAWN MICHAELS has drawn number one and number two is the British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith who I don't remember ever not wearing pants but here he is without them but I believe his boots are extra tassley to compensate. Shawn Michaels flies around the ring in predictably spectacular fashion and yeah McMahon confirms what I had feared: it's going to be every sixty seconds tonight and he says it like it will be a good thing but I think he is probably making the best of a bad situation and I am not willing to do that. Eli Blue is out next and he is a big man! Seconds later we have DUKE THE DUMPSTER in there and yeah we are going to see some shitty 1995 midcard gimmicks tonight here ladies and gentlemen however we are ALSO going to see "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Ray and lol that guy is so greasy and awesome. Here comes MENG although they don't call him that and Del Ray is out and I wonder if he is any relation to Lana Del Ray? I wonder this aloud and my wife tells me that her real name is Lizzy Grant which is itself a pretty rad name and also I am informed that Lana Del Ray is really into the whole Nancy Sinatra kind of thing and also her father was a really wealthy hedge fund guy and that concludes the Lana Del Ray portion of the Royal Rumble as Dr. Tom Pritchard (pediatrics, I think) and then Doink and then Kwang enter and this sucks. 


Holy cow Rick "The Model" Martel is still getting work! Good for him. This is seriously the worst Royal Rumble so far, though. Here now is the "King of Harts" Owen Hart HOWEVER OMG IT IS BRET HART WHO HAS JUMPED HIM BEFORE HE COULD ENTER THE RING AND HE IS LAYING INTO HIM and that is easily the best thing to have happened so far in this Rumble. Vince McMahon suggests that yes indeed Bret Hart is a changed man and far more aggressive than we've ever seen him. He walks away from the beaten Owen in a manner closely resembling that of a boss. Timothy Well or something is next and only lasts a minute but Owen goes in and out of the ring really quickly which gets a big reaction from the crowd and then HBK DUMPS THE DUMPSTER and Meng gets the Model and Michaels tosses Tom Pritchard and this is so rushed and stupid and at least Kwang/Savio Vega reverse thrust kicked Doink off the apron and actually everybody who is neither Shawn Michaels and Davey Boy go out in a heap. Bushwhacker Luke is in and out in an instant. THIS IS STUPID.


Jacob Blue enters and decapitates Shawn Michaels with a clothesline however soon thereafter he sails over the top rope as HBK makes himself scarce. Do they ever do this sixty seconds garbage again, or did they realize that by this point they had taken the best idea ever and totally fucking ruined it? Like, King Kong Bundy has just entered the ring, and here I am not giving a single solitary fuck, because the match is just stupid. That is how much they have ruined this shit. The pointlessness of this is overwhelming me right now. The sun is going to explode some day and we all know it. Moe from Men on a Mission comes in but Bundy tosses him right away; and now it is Mabel and he has a little face off with Bundy; who cares. Shawn Michaels does a good job of looking completely spent, leaning into the turnbuckles face first as though all he wants is for his head to hit the pillow for just like ten minutes man that's all he needs ten minutes. My wife who is aware of this Royal Rumble project and who is sitting on the couch reading a fashion magazine suggests that if one were to represent graphically the entry number of each Royal Rumble winner and did so in a visually compelling way it might be possible to finally demonstrate conclusively that wrestling is fake. She says this after asking if I am enjoying my Royal Rumble and I answer with something like "not really but this is the one Shawn Michaels enters first and then wins" and actually my wife has a reasonable knowledge of professional wrestling for someone who does not care for it in the least because her best friend in elementary school was a fan and also she has read both the Bret Hart and first Mick Foley books because they contain words on paper and existed thus satisfying both of my wife's foremost criteria for reading and also my wife has been with me many years and when my brother comes over he and I tend to get carried away on the subject so she has heard some things but obviously something she has *not* heard is that while they do like to have the winner sometimes come in improbably early and stick around forever it is in fact the number *twenty-seven* that has produced the most Royal Rumble winners and anyone who has visited the excellent wikipedia page with all the Royal Rumble stats would know that but it is very unlikely that she has ever been there. Mabel eliminates Bundy as Bushwhacker Butch comes and goes.


HEY IT IS LEX LUGER FUCK HIM HE SUCKS but there is a little shriek from the crowd when they see him and he dumps Mable right away and Michaels does his best to make Luger's incredibly shitty clotheslines look only moderately shitty. It strikes me finally that this is a really small venue for a Royal Rumble, isn't it? It takes people like three seconds to get to the ring. Mantaur is up next and he is basically Beth Ditto with cooler hair and I am not going to look up the spelling of his name. ALDO MONTOYA THE PORTUGUESE MANOWAR!!! I always kind of liked this guy and I can't say why. Perhaps because he is colonial and not a single organism? Henry Godwin is actually pretty good too imo even though it is strange that his overalls are clearly from Guess. Oh OK so the deal with Pamela Anderson is that she is going to escort the winner of the Royal Rumble to Wrestlemania. AND IT IS BILLY GUNN WHO IS NOT YET AN ASS MAN AT LEAST NOT PUBLICLY.


AND NOW IT IS THE VASTLY LESS COMPELLING BART GUNN WHO BUTTERBEAN WILL HURT EVENTUALLY and I have no real sense of how many guys are left because my whole Royal Rumble sense of time has been thrown off here for obvious reasons but there can't be that many more. Hey it is full-on deranged Mr. Bob Backlund! AHAHAHAHA YEAH BRET HART IS OUT AND HE IS LAYING INTO HIM YEEEAAAHH! I have no memory of 1995 Bret Hart being this raw man this is RAW LIKE SUSHI NENEH CHERRY DO IT BRET YEEEEEAH the crowd loves this shit and they are CORRECT.


Next in is Steven Dunn or something and then OK what happened we've got Luger clotheslining Backlund out and LOL BRET IS BACK ON TOP OF HIM YEEEEAAAHHH man Bret Hart is the star of this 1995 Royal Rumble so far and it is no contest. 


wtf it is Dirty Dick Murdoch! how can he be in the World Wrestling Federation in 1995? No time to think about that though as Adam Bomb who is every inch of him a guy from the 1995 World Wrestling Federation enters the match at number twenty-eight. Thank you for that update Vince; I had no idea. Michaels and Davey Boy are still in there but it is almost trivial with this one-a-minute bullshit which means nobody has actually been in there all that long and the pace is such that nothing really cool can happen while you're out there anyway so fuck it. Here comes Fatu, who I really like and who made it to the final four in last year's Royal Rumble iirc (and I believe in this instance that I do). Luger bounces Ditto out in kind of a cool way. lol Dirty Dick is busting up Bart Gunn with elbows in the corner. Crush comes in and eliminates both Smoking Gunns just as Aldo Montoya backdrops Steven Dunn out of the ring and the camera turns to Pamela Anderson and she is like hey the action is in the ring *point point.* Dirty Dick almost eliminates Shawn Michaels lol awesome.


So everybody is in now in this the worst Royal Rumble ever. Dirty Dick makes the mistake of headbutting Fatu which, I mean, rookie mistake from the veteran right there. Adam Bomb is out at the hands of shit who was that I guess it was Crush. Also let me take a moment to say if you are a user of gmail you might want to switch to the "terminal" theme for a further taste of 1995, like, the experience of going to the library in 1995. Michaels eliminates Montoya and again Murdoch comes close with HBK but for the second time Luger saves him which seems odd. Crush takes care of Fatu which is a shame because I don't like Crush; I like Fatu. AIRPLANE SPIN DICK MURDOCH AND GODWIN'S SPINNING LEGS TAKE OUT SHAWN MICHAELS IN A TIMELESS SPOT AND IT LOOKS LIKE GODWIN IS GONNA GO BUT NO IT IS MURDOCH WHO IS OUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO so we're down to HBK, Davey, Crush, Godwin, and Luger. Actually forget about Godwin, I guess, as Luger just tossed him.


EAT SHIT LEX LUGER YEAAAAHHH he had mounted Crush in the corner to punch him but HBK comes over and is like BOOP and there he goes fuck you. Michaels proposes a temporary alliance with Crush, who accepts his overtures and alights on the Bulldog BEFORE SUDDENLY TURNING ON HBK PRESSING HIM OVERHEAD but he ESCAPES and the Bulldog clotheslines Crush over the top and we're down to Davey and Michaels the men who started it all which is pretty cool EXCEPT THE MATCH HAS ONLY BEEN LIKE A HALF AN HOUR but I temporarily set that fact aside while enjoying the Bulldog toss Michaels around in expert fashion while HBK owns and although it would appear that the Bulldog has clotheslined Michaels over the top to win the match THAT IS IN FACT NOT SO as only one of Shawn's feet has touched the floor so when he rushes back into the ring and pushes the prematurely celebrating Bulldog to the outside it is TOTALLY LEGIT and HERE IS YOUR WINNER! The replays show how precariously HBK was suspended out there and lol he fucking *nailed* that shit and it is confirmed by both the contemptible Earl Hebner AND Tim the referee who was Andre the Giant's buddy so there can be no controversy here. 


Positives from the Royal Rumble match itself: Bret Hart wailing on Owen and Backlund; the existential fact of 1995 "Dirty" Dick Murdoch; Shawn Michaels making the best of a bad situation by selling like a champ throughout and being funny and awesome and one of the best wrestlers ever and totally sticking the landing on that terrific final spot. Negatives: everything else. Sixty seconds is a travesty of an outrage of a crime against Royal Rumbles and I hated it. Bret Hart vs. Diesel was OUTSTANDING. God bless us every one.