COULD THERE EVEN BE A MORE HISTORIC EVENT than this the twenty-fifth annual Royal Rumble a particular variant of the familiar Battle Royal(e) in which dudes and on some very rare occasions ladies enter the ring at predetermined intervals to win glory or else give it to another as Homer sang so many centuries ago? No there totally couldn't however first we have a Triple-Threat Heavyweight Championship bout to be contested within the unforgiving confines of the steel cage! The great Yasuhiro Yamashita who numbers among the greatest grapplers of any era once wrote that he never entered into competition without wondering of himself at least fleetingly "am I a coward?" and one cannot help but ask if Daniel Bryan whose name was probably changed from Bryan Danielson just so the WWE could own it wonders that of himself given the less than auspicious circumstances in which he first obtained and has subsequently retained his title. His challengers on this night are Mark Henry who has improbably become amazing in recent years and the Big Show who tried to give his little toque to a tiny girl at ringside but she basically hid and the Big Show bestowed it on I guess her sister.
"DAN-IEL BRY-AN" is the crowd's chant as Michale Cole explains that victory can be achieved by means of pinfall or submission or escape which sounds kind of strange to me frankly but let's go with it and lol the *instant* the bell rings D-Bryan tries to climb up over the corner and lolol maybe fifty seconds after that he tries again. It is kind of weird in these cage matches how dudes totally "sell" hitting the cage as this calamity when I mean shit it is a chain-link fence and we've probably all ran into a chain-link fence at one time or another in our lives and it can certainly be surprising but it doesn't exactly hurt right? You can do cool stuff things if you are operating under the premise that the cage hurts like hell though like for instance Mark Henry can slingshot D-Bryan into it and stuff. Daniel Bryan is awesome by the way and I have just now noticed that his ring gear references his "American Dragon" *sobriquet rouge* with its subtle scaley firey dragon motif which is a great nod to his past of indie excellence and I recall that the one time I saw him wrestle in Oshawa a million years ago he came out not to "The Final Countdown" which is what one most associates with him from his days of wrestling before avidly chanting grapznerds but instead the theme from Dragonball Z which was an excellent choice imo. FUCK YOU BIG SHOW IT IS THE LEBELL LOCK WHICH IS A *SANKAKU GARAMI* OR *OMOPLATA* CROSSFACE NAMED IN HONOUR OF THE GREAT "JUDO" GENE LEBELL AND PLEASE CONSULT PG. 200 OF "BEST JUDO" BY INOKUMA AND SATO FOR MORE ON THIS *WAZA* AND ALSO READ THIS THING ABOUT GENE LEBELL FINDING OUT ABOUT D-BRYAN NAMING THE MOVE AFTER HIM HERE -- http://open.salon.com/blog/bob_calhoun/2010/08/26/daniel_bryan_and_the_lebell_lock -- BUT NOT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HERE IS WHAT JUST HAPPENED IT WAS AWESOME: so OK D-Bryan had the LeBell lock secured but Mark Henry broke it up and then the Big Show hit Henry with a KO punch but Bryan broke up the pin and then Bryan took off for the top of the cage with the Big Show hot on his heels and he was CAUGHT but then he just fuckin DANGLED FROM BIG SHOW'S ARM FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE AND JUMPED DOWN TO RETAIN HIS TITLE LOOK:
WHICH IS TO SAY:
Next up we get a many minute look at John Cena and how he is awesome and you know what he *is* and I am not afraid to say that even though we are on the internet. This is all of course to build towards his Wrestlemania match with the Rock which I will watch the hell out of. And now it is time for an all-of-the-ladies match as the Bella Twins and Natalya Neidhart and "The Glamazon" Beth Phoenix who are fantastically colour-coordinated take on Kelly "Kelly" Kelly and Eve Torres and Alicia Fox and Tamina and she's a Snuka right? Anyway this match is for the most part not that great and the crowd is unbelievably flat for this which brings to mind this: this is not to disparage the ladies who are in fact very good at wrestling but the reason they always run a bunch of technically *sexay ladays* out there who cannot in fact wrestle and do moves like Eve's "Booty Pop" and the like is just to totally pander to the audience and provide at long last a little something for the fellas right? But almost nobody *ever* reacts to anything that happens in any of these matches so what is the point? Like if this lowest common denominator stuff is not in fact appealing to the lowest common denominator then to whom or what is it appealing? I mean hey I like it when Beth Pheonix comes in and ruins people as much as they next guy and I am not wishing or even willing to part with that but there is a lot of carrying on and nonsense that doesn't seem to be of interest to anyone in the building so why bother? Fitness blogs at the Perez Hilton internet website are I guess of considerable promotional value. Anyway yeah Kelly Kelly flies off the top to the outside into a pile of like seven other ladies but the real high point of the contest is unsurprisingly the finish in which Women's Champion Beth Pheonix hits the "Glam Slam" for the win but again the real value of this match is the questions it forces us to ask of each other and also ourselves.
lol they've got "Long Island Iced Z" Zack Ryder in a wheelchair and some kind of wacky brace coming off his very serious injuries at the hands of Kane and he is all bitter and angry when he says "woo woo woo you *know* it" on the topic of how John Laurinaitis has been a butt towards him. Here now is John Cena whose time is now and who is set to take on *BWOOOOOOF* KANE who I just mentioned a moment ago and wow this one *really* drags. I like Cena and I have no real problem with Kane however I wonder if watching all of these Royal Rumbles in a row have sort of unduly inflated my estimation of Kane because in the context of the Royal Rumble match proper Kane seems pretty much the raddest whereas in lengthy one-on-one contests that isn't really the case necessarily is it. The crowd is enjoying going LET'S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS and going BOOO YAAAAY! BOOOO YAAAAY! as these two pretend warriors trade blows in the centre of the ring but idk man this isn't much of a match in some ways including the way of my enjoyment. I would like to single out for praise the top-rope YOU CAN'T SEE ME/"Five-Knuckle Shuffle" which is not something I had seen before but I would also like to point to the double countout finish and lengthy backstage brawl and post-match Zack Ryder "tombstone" piledriving as having not been worth the time man because time is the one thing we can never have back. I like when Kane leaves the ring after laying everybody out by doing that cool backwards roll out over the top but I wish it had happened about twenty minutes sooner forgive me Kane and John Cena and Zack Ryder and everybody.
In a match that only takes a minute or two "Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay does away with Drew McIntyre and I like Clay and his funk-based offense and ring entrance as much as anybody but I'm pretty surprised this even happens here. Booker T keeps saying "Shucky Ducky." Also in a thirty-second spot that looks like parody we've got Rey Mysterio and the Big Show and I guess that's Eve explaining that Slim Jims are one of the most requested snacks by (y)Our Servicemen and Women and so for every two Slim Jims sold they will give one to a soldier which is weird because I thought the makers of Slim Jims thought the troops were fascist thugs is that not accurate?
We get a video package recapping the several ways in which Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis has made life difficult for CM PUNK of late and there are several things that are excellent here including vintage Johnny Ace footage and also lots of cool clips of Dolph Ziggler doing things. As you well know Laurinaitis is to serve as the special guest referee however he is recusing himself from this somewhat as he has decided to oversee the officiating from outside the ring and one wonders if this is because he has been informed that his performance is about to be reviewed by Triple H on Monday Night Raw? Tonight's challenger for CM Punk's WWE Championship is of course the already awesome and potentially *historically* awesome Dolph Ziggler and I am excited to see this one! Punk comes out to a strong "CM PUNK" chant and he yells that it is "clobberin' time" whilst attired in a Madballs hoodie lol seriously that is what he was wearing over his "Best in the World" ringer t-shirt which is one of the all-time great wrestling t-shirts which is not to damn it with faint praise. lol Michael Cole reminds us that the WWE Championship has been in existence for over fifty years and Jerry Lawler is like "yeah so has Vickie Guerrero" which is a *great* line. Actually the other Jerry Lawler thing I wanted to mention tonight was that whilst the announcers were discussing how low it is that my man D-Bryan would not reciprocate when his ladyfriend AJ said that she loved him Lawler was all sensitive and stuff and explained how important it is to say stuff like that to ladies which idk I lol'd because of course as you know:
AND WE ARE UNDERWAY IN THIS CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT! I admire both of these pretend fighters greatly and am ready to enjoy their match! After some early rope running and the like Dolph Ziggler congratulates himself on his speedy excellence by strutting a little bit which is true to his well-earned "show off" reputation but soon thereafter he only narrowly avoids the "Anaconda Vise" which is fundamentally an *ude garami* from a *kesa gatame* and there goes CM Punk flying out through the ropes! Ziggler trips him off the top turnbuckle moments later and Punk falls awkwardly. Ziggler looks to capitalize with a swinging neckbreaker and like a million elbow drops! This is really good so far. It's crazy to me that Punk wrestles with that lip ring in because we always make people take all piercings out at our *dojo* lest they get kind of fucked up by them but then again we are wearing great big jammy-jams on which piercings can be caught and also we are at times *shooting* which changes the equation one supposes OH SHIT SLEEPER HOLD ESCAPED INTO AN ANACONDA VISE ATTEMPT COUNTERED INTO A SLEEPER man this is exactly what I want to see. And perhaps you recall that I don't much like dropkicks well it turns out I like them when Dolph Ziggler does them so it is a context thing OH SHIT THIS TIME A ZIGGLER "ROCKER DROPPER" HAS BEEN COUNTERED INTO A SIT-OUT POWER BOMB FOR TWOOOOO yeah this is the wrestling match for me! Punk hits his his running high knee and a running bulldog out of the corner which is a preferred *renraku waza* or "combination technique" of his isn't it. He pantomimes a SLEEPY SLEEPY motion but Ziggler escapes the fireman's carry and catapults Punk into the corner HOWEVER Punk comes out of the corner with a cross body BUT Ziggler rolls through with "a handful of tights" for two! Punk kicks *the shit* out of Ziggler's head for another two! The St. Louis crowd rightly chants CM PUNK CM PUNK CM PUNK and he takes to the top rope and drops an elbow for two more and chants of RANDY SAVAGE RANDY SAVAGE RANDY SAVAGE take shape and of course Randy Savage played in the St. Louis Cardinals minor league system and the people of St. Louis should be proud of that!
Punk puts Ziggler on his shoulders for another GO TO SLEEP attempt but Ziggler shrugs him of and fires him into the corner which results in a "ref bump" and after a slick arm drag Punk sinks in the Anaconda Vise like he was fuckin Hiroyoshi Tenzan man yeah that's right I know who that is don't act like I do not own multiple versions of Fire Pro and Ziggler is understandably tapping and there is no shame in that but Laurinaitis is willfully oblivious to this as he attends to the fallen referee on the outside. A GO TO SLEEP connects but Laurinaitis was felled by Ziggler's legs as the maneuver was applied and again he chooses to see only what he wishes to see which is of course an affliction from which many of us suffer in our way. FUCK YEAH ZIGGLER COUNTERS A GTS ATTEMPT INTO A ROCKER DROPPER THAT WAS *AWESOME* AND YET IT WAS BUT TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ziggler stomps the champion down viciously and then rains down further blows upon him as the referee implores the challenger to open his fists a command to which he reluctantly complies and IT IS *ANOTHER* GTS FTW and Laurinaitis gets in on the three count once it becomes clear that it could not reasonably be halted and your winner and still WWE Champion is the great CM PUNK and you know who else is great it is the challenger DOLPH ZIGGLER and this match was *excellent* and in fact much much better upon a second viewing which is what this is for me right now and so if you watched it once and were like "man that was pretty good" then you should watch it again because you will soon thereafter be like "man that was actually REALLY good" imo.
Wait there are going to be WWE youtube channels? I see that one of them will be called Santino's Foreign Exchange so regardless of anything else having to do with anything else I wholeheartedly support this idea.
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO IN THIS THE TWENTY-FIFTH ANNIVERSARY ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH CAN YOU BELIEVE IT WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE and the first two competitors to be joined every ninety seconds thereafter by their wrestling fellows are THE MIZ who walks out through these truly spectacular giant puffy letters that spell AWESOME both literally and figuratively and then gets on the microphone for a couple minutes in a way that actually is not all that awesome and he has a pretty weird upper lip area when you really look at it and ALEX RILEY who used to be pretty serious bros with The Miz not that long ago. Alex Riley doesn't seem bad or anything he's just kind of bland and oh hey there he goes out over the top as The Miz pulls the Jim-Duggan-on-the-One-Man-Gang maneuver and now it is *another* of The Miz's former bros R-Truth and I am firmly of the opinion that R-Truth is terrific and wtf was that it's like he fucked up a vertical suplex a little bit and switched it into a power slam? Maybe it was the Miz who read it wrong or something idk. Cody Rhodes who is also terrific is in at number four and he delivers his "beautiful disaster" kick off the ropes which is the exact same thing as "John Morrison's" kick off the ropes but regrettably he is not around these days so fair game I guess! Justin Gabriel is a high flier of the highest calibre and so he enters the ring via the top turnbuckle and is all about taking out more than one dude at once with a cross body and he hits some other things too like a sit-out powerbomb and a fine *osoto gari* or "major outer reap" or "outside trip" if you prefer. Now we have Primo who you might well recall as one half of your Tag Team Champions Epico and Primo and he does a cool handstand in the corner and transitions into a headscissors on Justin Gabriel OH NO R-TRUTH IS OUT however in anger he has dragged The Miz out under the bottom rope and delivers a technique with which I am not particularly familiar but it drives The Miz's face into the floor so it's probably a good one to do.
MICK FOLEY is in at number six and he is looking Cactus Jackish here man so maybe he will be particularly "hardcore" or maybe this is just how he attires himself these days generally and the St. Louis crowd is very much into this and I am with them! FOLEY FOLEY FOLEY is their chant as Primo goes way up and way over and now Foley is like BANG BANG before he hits his running knee to the corner on Cody Rhodes and also the double-arm DDT. lololol OK Alberto Del Rio's music starts up and it is like isn't he "out of action" right now and yes indeed he is and so this is not Del Rio but his ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez who enters the arena in a 1985 Datsun 280Z that has plainly seen better days but on which I would make a serious offer if it had been stickered within even the last six months or so. Ricardo goes to *town* on Cody Rhodes and then Foley and Ricardo eliminate Gabriel and Ricardo is like AIRPLANE RUN AROUND THE RING YEEEAAAHH. The incomparable SANTINO is in next and lol the COBRA is ready to strike immediately however Santino's best offensive maneuvers in his brief encounter with Ricardo prove to be a "square wheel" warm-up drill into the corner and a wedgie to setup the toss to the outside. Rhodes is still out of it in the corner as lolololololol Foley and Santino square off with Socko and the Cobra and did anybody see Foley on 30 Rock last week or hey did anybody happen to see Santino's sick *uchi mata* judo throw to open his match against Primo and Epico on Smackdown(!) Friday night? Here it is actually: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bril9FaopQ0#t=1m45s
Anyway Epico is in and out and we are quickly back to Foley and Santino except we are *not* because Rhodes and the Miz are all of a sudden back in the picture and they eliminate both of our heroes in short order thus ending I guess the comedy portion of the evening but that was all really good!
Kofi Kingston comes in and flies around on dudes and then is like BOOM BOOM *drop* BOOOOOM and this is absolutely flying if we are up to number twelve and not for the first time Jerry "The King" Lawler leaves his spot at the announce table and hits the ring. He is visibly in no worse shape than he was in like 1997 but he is not long for this match as Cody Rhodes gets a hold of him and that's that but the crowd was pretty into it for the minute or so he was in there. Next is Ezekiel Jackson who is enormous and slams people and Booker T calls him BIG ZEKE which is a cool thing to call him imo. Number fourteen is Jinder Mahal and he is decked out very much like Great Tiger from Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! and in the past Royal Rumble competitors have on occasion set aside their differences temporarily in order to deal with brown-skinned people as a unit so we'll just have to wait and see if that happens here. It does not in fact as next in is the Great Khali and he takes care of Mahal with whom we are told he has a history and also BIG ZEKE is gone and as you are perhaps aware I am a strong proponent of at least one gigantic dude per Royal Rumble who comes in and dominates the match for a while and then it is a huge deal when he is eliminated and I am happy for Khali to perform that role even if he is arguably the worst "big man" since Giant Gonzalez and actually you know what he is probably worse. Hunico is next and I like his bike! And then it is BOOKER T from the announce table to the ring and the best part of this is that he stands up to take off his jacket and unbutton his shirt and it appears though he has been sitting behind the announce table without pants all night as all we see are trunks lol.
OK so in the "spot" of the night Cody Rhodes has Kofi Kingston on the apron outside and then Kingston falls off but it is his *hands* that touch and as you know the duly promulgated rules and regulations pertaining to Royal Rumble eliminations clearly state that a competitor is eliminated when and only when *both feet* hit the ground and Kofi has taken that to heart and so just totally walks on his hands over the ring steps and reenters the match like none of this was even a big deal. It was AWESOME and surely it has been made into an animated gif by now let me look. Well OK no not that I have seen but video is almost as good right:
Note Hunico's bike in the above as well. A disappointed DOLPH ZIGGLER is in next despite seeing action earlier in the evening and we are up to number eighteen which is crazy. Booker nearly eliminated Hunico right on top of his bike which as I may have mentioned is a cool bike but Hunico tucked back in under the bottom rope AND NOW IT IS HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN WHO HAS BEEN THUGGIN' and the good people of St. Louis are into it as well they should be because I mean what better nostalgia dude to dig up again for this the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Royal Rumble than he who was the match's first champion lol Rhodes just put him out and gives a little mock "USA USA" and that was all great. Rhodes puts Booker and Khali out in a heap next so he is on an anti-old guy roll here but it would have been better had the non-old guy in this equation that is to say Khali been treated as a bigger deal but whatever really. In next is Michael Cole from the announce table which honestly I am not that into as a thing despite his singlet and headgear however I *do* enjoy the guy seated in the first row behind him being all I CAN'T BELIEVE IT MICHAEL COLE? You can see him here:
You will see in the above clip an enormous lady called Kharma enter at number twenty-one and Booker T is like I HOPE SHE EATS MICHAEL COLE LIKE A PIECE OF CHICKEN GO AFTER HIM LIKE A CHICKEN BONE and that is uncomfortable. You will also see my main man Ziggler be like WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE GET OUT and then he takes her utterly ludicrous double-underhook finishing maneuver and I don't know anything about Kharma at all but if she does that moves to ladies then that seems insane to me. Anyway yeah Kharma tosses a diving Hunico over the top but Ziggler sneaks up from behind and hoists her out and lol that looked legitimately tough for Ziggler to get her up and I get it man she is a monster. That was all OK I guess but idk about Michael Cole in there which was arguably taking the "announcers-in-the-Rumble" gag a little too far but I am not going to bother minding it. Sheamus is in next and he has a pretty good run in which he tosses Kofi Kingston and then wails on first Cody Rhodes and then The Miz with forearms to the chest and OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT IS A BADLY SWOLLEN ROOOOOOAD DOGG IN AT TWENTY-THREE and look the crowd is absolutely loving this and who am I but I cannot help but think the Road Dogg is only here to punish me for arguably watching an allegedly only semi-legal stream of this event. He does all of his things and the crowd chants YOU'VE STILL GOT IT and I suppose yeah whatever it is that he had he probably still does but it is just not for me man and that's OK. Jey Uso aka SON OF FATU is in next and I have only seen the Usos on Smackdown one time but they seemed good!
I am very into Jack Swagger is the twenty-fifth entrant in this your twenty-fifth Royal Rumble and he is actually *very* tall like way taller than you probably even think. Wade Barrett and his sharp olive trunks are in next and OH NO ROAD DOGG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED HE CAN NOT ENDURE THE BARRETT BARRAGE alas and alack and fuk u Road Dogg. I am honestly a little disappointed to see David Otunga enter at number twenty-seven and not because I have anything against David Otunga but it's just like he is not exactly a top-notch dude at this stage in his career and it is getting down to "crunch" time here folks and I want to see enormously menacing threats come out this late in the game and yeah here you go here is Randy Orton for example and lol right yeah he is mad at Wade Barrett for hurling him down a flight of stairs. DOUBLE SUSPENSION DDT on Rhodes and Ziggler and that was as cool as you would expect. NO JEY USO NO Orton got him and then it is an RKO for Barrett and he's gone too and yeah the people of St. Louis are enjoying seeing their dude do stuff here.
THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND A JACKET LIGHTS UP AND IT CAN ONLY BE ONE MAN AND THAT IS CHRIS JERICHO SAVE_US.Y2J OH WAIT THAT WAS LAST TIME and yeah Orton and Jericho those are the kinds of people I want out at this point not like David Otunga although again I feel like I am picking on David Otunga when I say that and I think he is actually good so I am conflicted. Our thirtieth and final entrant is the Big Show and he hits the just-then-eliminated Jack Swagger with a siiiiiiiick right hand and then pushes both Rhodes and the Miz out over the top from a "goozle" grip and yeah there goes Dolph Ziggler too. So then our FINAL FOUR consists of Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Big Show and all of those guys entered at number twenty-two or later which I think is probably the latest for a final four but I am not going to look that up. The hope here of course is for a temporary Jerishow reunion until Sheamus and Orton are gone and then Jericho pulls it out through guile and duplicity and will COME ON BABAAAAAAAY his way to Wrestlemania but no such alliance seems in the offing unfortunately. RKO BIG SHOW and Orton and Sheamus go after Big Show HOWEVER the Big Show shrugs Sheamus off like he is nothing BUT THEN Orton puts him right up and over AND YET it is at this very moment that Jericho tips Orton out from behind and so it is Jericho and Sheamus left! Neither of these dudes have won a Royal Rumble! It occurred to me the other day that Jericho has never won one while I was trying to make it through "Lucha Libre" Audience Mode in Fire Pro A with him which is fuckin *tough* man those fans are *picky* and now here he stands on the very brink of it!
Both Jericho and Sheamus are awesome of course so this is interesting! Sheamus yells "COME ON FELLA" which is how most fights start where I am from too. Missile dropkick from Chris Jericho! The crowd seemed very into it a moment ago when Sheamus almost put Jericho out over the corner but now there is a pretty good Y2J chant going so I don't know where the crowd's sympathies lay exactly. The "Irish Curse Backbreaker" is a tremendous move and here comes a "Celtic Cross" but NO CLOTHESLINE and man between that and the Jericho jumpkick out of the corner it is NUTS that Sheamus is still on the apron because those both would have been *totally* acceptable ways to end a Royal Rumble. Sheamus misses a "Brogue Kick" and Jericho puts him in the famed "Walls of Jericho" but as Jerry "The King" Lawler notes early on there is no point to this technique here. BACKDROP SHEAMUS AND JERICHO IS alright he is still on the apron. He climbs to the top turnbuckle from the outside which is a risky maneuver man and now both guys fall from the top and land on the apron and OK both have rolled back in so we are CODEBREAKER CODEBREAKER CODEBREAKER which is a good move and an even better name and lol Jericho goes for the cover. Jericho has Sheamus up and all tippy along the ropes and then he starts slapping him in the fuckin face and that seems to have stirred up Sheamus' famous Irish temper because he looks *pissed* and as they come away from the ropes Jericho attempts a second CODEBREAKER but Sheamus just like catches him and hoists him up there and puts him over the top where Jericho dangles for a bit before regaining his feet on the apron only to be BROGUE KICKED OFF IN A VERY COOL FINISH AND SHEAMUS IS THE WINNER OF THIS THE 25TH ANNUAL ROYAL RUMBLE AND ONE CAN ONLY IMAGINE HE WILL CHALLENGE DANIEL BRYAN FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AT WRESTLEMANIA ONLY ONE YEAR AFTER I TUNED INTO WRESTLEMANIA AND WATCHED THE WHOLE FUCKIN THING ONLY TO FIND OUT AFTERWARDS THAT THE SHEAMUS V. D-BRYAN MATCH THAT I TOTALLY WANTED TO SEE BECAUSE THOSE ARE AWESOME GUYS HAD BEEN SCRAPPED WHICH WAS BULLSHIT BUT NOW THINGS ARE OTHERWISE AREN'T THEY YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH also I'm a little disappointed Jericho didn't win it frankly.
So I mean hey this Royal Rumble is taking something of a beating on the internet which I grant you is where we are currently but look the Heavyweight Championship Match was cool and the WWE Championship match was A Very Good Match Indeed and the Royal Rumble proper was not one for the ages I grant you but the Foley v. Santino stuff and also Ricardo were *shoot* charming and there was Kofi Kingston's FUK U JOHN MORRISON moment and I was totally totally totally into the Jericho v. Sheamus stuff at the end in like a full-on PLEASE LET THIS GUY WIN COME ON HIT MORE CODEBREAKERS QUICK way so while I certainly acknowledge this show's imperfections I am personally hard-pressed to come down on this one and maybe the problem for those who did not enjoy the show very much is that they did not watch it whilst chatting with awesome enough bros?
ANYWAY SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR AND LITERALLY EVERY OTHER YEAR AFTER THAT EVER FOR MORE ROYAL RUMBLES AND UNTIL THEN DO OTHER THINGS I GUESS AND KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU